i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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