Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
