Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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