i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
