he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
