I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
