Got a toothbrush?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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