I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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