toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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