dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize