how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize