That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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