I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
