Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
