I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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