i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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