I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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