he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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