you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is the high leading the old right now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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