apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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