I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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