I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
