thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
