I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
