my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
