My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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