Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
