I haven't been this sober since birth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
