hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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