Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
