Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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