I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
