I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
