apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love you. Go after that dick
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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