Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
