I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I need to stop coming to work sober
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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