chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
