he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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