i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
