they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
