remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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