maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize