Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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