I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
