that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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