I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
