On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
