you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
