There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
