Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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