A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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