oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
