it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
