what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
