Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
