I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
