I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize