Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
