Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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