I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
