Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
