I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
