Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
