the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
