New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
