I looked at my own cervix.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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