My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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