What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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