So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm getting married
To pizza
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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