im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
