so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
